The Many Emotions Behind Crohn’s

English: Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions

English: Robert Plutchik’s Wheel of Emotions (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I must be on a roll because here comes another post I’ve been trying to write for some time. In recent years, I’ve not been overly vocal about having Crohn’s disease for a few reasons – I don’t want people to feel sorry for me. Its just part of my life. I don’t want people to think I’m incapable of my work. Its just part of my life and work adapts. The more I complain or talk about it, the more it controls my life. Its just part of my life. We all have struggles and mine aren’t any larger than the next person.

But lately the disease has been rearing its ugly butt, putting me in the hospital for five days. So how do I handle this recent flare? By exhibiting any one of its many emotions.

1) Feeling sorry for myself – usually results in crying and a nap.

2) Anger – Yes, I suffer but why do my husband and kids have to suffer too?

3) Empathetic – This is when I participate with fellow Crohnies on Twitter.

4) Thankfulness – I could have something much worse.

5) Exhaustion – happens frequently when my blood counts are low, like now.

6) Denial – completely pretend its not there and avoid treating the problem.

7) Frustration – since 2008 I’ve pondered using Humira as a treatment. In the fall of 2013, I was finally convinced we were at a crossroads and something new had to be done. I never once, not once, considered the fact that it wouldn’t work. And, it didn’t.

8) Disappointment – see #7

9) Fear – What if I don’t make it to the bathroom? What if the treatments cause cancer?

10) Guilt – for being unable to attend a school function, having to nap instead of playing with my kids, missing a baseball game because I’m stuck in the bathroom, I could go on but I won’t.

I share these emotions because there are so many people out there who are just finding they have Crohn’s disease and they aren’t sure where to turn. My Twitter feed is full of horrible cases. My blog is found daily by using the search terms Crohn’s disease and Ulcerative Colitis. It can be an embarrassing disease but its OK to have all of these emotions. And, as hard as it may seem life will go on and you need to go through all of these emotions. If admitting all of these emotions helps someone else, I’m glad to do it.

Sincerely,

19 year Crohn’s & Ulcerative Colitis Survivor

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  1. […] What Jenny probably won’t tell you is that she is also brave. She lives and works through Crohn’s Disease and has for 19 years. I am proud and honored to have you get to know Jenny Schweigert as a woman in agriculture.  […]

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